Sunday, February 6, 2011

Recommendation: Get Better.

For a life free of personal stress: Clip nails with degree of vengeance, sanitize all surfaces while swearing under breath, lose self in motivational speaker upon soapbox, gear up for monster truck rally by perusing discount aisle, rank hygiene needs in order of recognition, team up with preacher to deliver sermon, give sensuous massage in park, care for lost soul with rubber gloves, binge upon pamphlets for mother-to-be, dine with president, reap but do not sow, feel like another, pair up delightful tastes, stroll through garden with parasol, slap gimp tastefully, oil up dancers with precision unseen, fill salt water tank with moving parts only to rust, go to pet store with glaring eyes, buy thoughtful present to forget, become fruitful in labors of sorrow, dance upon the shackles of neighbors, breach the surface, reach maximum tonage, meet cave dweller for discussion of strategy, discern between further action and protocol, leave nothing behind, do up the banister like it's new years, drone on through another tasteless highway, look up just in time to see shooting star, catch dwindling breeze upon brow, sew up hole with tears shining, devise prenuptial agreement in bathtub, divide possessions in half like magic trick, brew coffee with scorn for coworker, stand aside while procession lulls, locate bathroom while pissing ones self, sell off what made you do what you did, take action with sleeping mask on, kneel next to terminal illness with rose in hand, bruise while toning, gain whilst pain, draw up plan for extraditing loving bridal party, careen down alley with bottle in hand, move up the ladder to avoid impending doom, doll up face with gaudy lipstick, discover new use for plastic body, bag up parts to dispose of in various anonymous places, receive word from high commissioner, bill retainer for dubious stock, preen private investment with degree of sympathy, get up with wry smile. These, and other tips, can be found in the self-help guide: "Little Cherub Boy Lost for Words."

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