Hands Up.

I can feel you sneaking around out there, anxiety. With dreary leaves plastered upon your face; those ones that fell from the trees after hanging on the entire year through warmth and death and the end of things. You lurk around every corner with vestigial faith pouring from your palms like kool-aid flavoring. Or like blood. And you fear yourself. It's so effervescent: your power is self effacing. You humble yourself with the way you tear everything down. I am wrapped up in you like the traces of a past spent losing oneself in manic drug intake and breathing techniques. We find ourselves on our last breath together in the diving bell looking into one anothers eyes saying in unison, No Need. No Need. No Need. There is no need for all of this confusion; this earnest yet tense desire. All of this unease scratching our wrists bloody as we climb rooftops in an electrical black out. All of this tiresome writhing in the blood speckled crawl space of this life we work together to pacify. We work together to convince ourselves of the woods and their looming darkness. We work together to haul up the mossy remains from the sapphire labyrinth of salt surrounding the land. We work together to make the wreckage come back together. But it won't will it? Until there is a defining crack of lightning across the lonely prairie where the cattle wander with bellies full of dust, the pieces won't join hands. Hacking and losing our tears in the once fertile soil, we won't bring it back together until we reason with one another that we must distance ourselves from one another. There is no need for us to hold eachother so tight. For intimacy of destruction begets goodbyes, and loss is a gaining of a future: There is no need to tell ourselves we are the same, anxiety.

Wasted for Nought.

Yes I will die faster than you. But I will live faster than you as well. I believe a degree of recklessness is needed to get through this life. And if it is not realized the whole thing will fall apart. We are alike because we lose ourselves all the time. But it takes loss to gain love. It takes and it takes over and over again. Cursing the sun as I do my duty. Telling it to just go down. Sitting here, stupid, feckless, pensive, taciturn and aligned. Sitting here gaining premium access to drawn lovely creation while the poor sick brothers cock their wrinkled brows whilst the camera shoots a mug shot inside this skull of mine. And I will find myself after a dozen tears and countless beers. They lap against me and I feel such freedom like shattered glass.

A Goodbye to the Past.

Inexhaustible space traversed like a waking dream.
And feeling the goodbyes well up from nowhere.
Back to the beginning after everything,
all cluttered is over here.
She offered so much,
my stolid refusal already smarts.
Where we leave our hearts is always a mystery.
Like this windswept city off the coast of Antarctica.
Dwelling all duty without and kindled clean.
I am reaching an end to means.
I am witnessing the endurance of the lonely.
I get up with pains and retire like a broken window.
Though taped up and shattered the battering subsides.
Another weekend and this homecoming of sorts:
really just the loss of another head.
A brain that calmly lets itself hold onto the past,
though it has just happened.
Forever out of reach,
the distance that lays,
enrapt and conversational.
Saying, "You found something there,
you had something there."
But as all temptations are,
the future is alluring.
We'll put you off as close as we can.
Yet you know not of your destination.
This kindly driver just winking.

Take the Good with the Bad.

Yes the shakes and yes they come and go and they're all a dealt hand. They're all to melt sand. Into glass real fast so I can see clearly for now. For there is a bird in flight with amber green eyes glinting like diamonds roaming through my heart making decoration decisions. Setting it up so cozy and the shadows are shed with light. They bathe and they recede. And they're response is one of bafflement. An exclamatory grimace ebbing into the crimson felt walls to echo through the skeletal system and leave through the ears and eyes; a depthless demise cries out fathomless. The drum is a cavernous one and there is room for the faithless, the faithful, the lost, the found, the leaves, the roots, and the crown. There is everything found in here: it is no surprise that we see through the tears in our eyes as the tidal pool glimmers with youth and problems. Because I do have these sorrow and triumphs. I don't let go of one thing to grasp another. I keep it all together and it makes itself known that it makes me up. The shakes are all part of it.

Red Hot Gothic Rage.

I will try not to let it get the best of me: it can take the worst. Like those aches and pains. And that devious longing that creeps up like a rerun? Oh yes. Just the worst. I have a feeling I'll need the sharpest knife to cut the deepest wound. A removal of sorts to straighten everything out and make me seem crystal clear. A tuning fork spine with a bed full of scars. And it scares me how long it takes to wake up from my recurring dreams. I think the house is falling around me. I'm convinced there is a crowd noting my every move. I rear and buck. There is the red anger. There are my eyes losing sight and glowing white. This is the cause: you are convincing yourself of a lie. And it just gets better and better. The worst is a debt that you can't fret.

There There Misconceptions.

I felt along the lines of the insane.
And I don't know why I say I felt because I still feel it.
But I distance the lines and I get the feeling that they are further from each other than possible.
The treble kick and the feeble sick,
the weather rip and the feather tip.
I do not know.
But maybe they're all inter related and I just don't see it.
And I don't see why.
Maybe the honeybee and the ant are working together and I'm falling over myself trying not to fathom the truth.
That I could never be the same again?
It's a possibility.
That I couldn't work with who I was?
It's possible, somewhere along the line.

Don't Let Me Go. Keep Me On.

All this operational tension and employment bartering: the sea is a seasonal thing as in you see and then you don't. It evaporates like the spendthrift type outside the apartment. And he's lost when the time shift turns past the appointed work shift. There there. This feeling of utterances in the ear; hot and soft. The stipend is beyond over. The trickle down is hot wax and spearmint. Stunning cool and explosions out across the permeated economic landscape. The tycoon weeps bloody dollars while crushing the menial underfoot. Some sort of juggernaut steamroller bringing the blue bloods to their present situations so the crystal can clink together in a toast to present situations. The foreman has one eye rolling like a bowling ball. And he keeps the fabric of the infrastructure sutured together with clothes pins. And he keeps the water flowing even though it means nothing anymore. And the lake drains down to the constancy of collapse. The constancy of ebb and flow. The near and the far. The world careening and letting us just sway with it for now. And the things that we forgot how to love are supporting us. Remember green? Remember blue? Remember salivating and drowning and loosing yourself from the taut rope wrapped so secretly around your neck? Would you gargle with raw sewage? Would you jump rope with a live wire? I thought so.